A few years back I blogged for the first time.
I blogged about what made me me.
I dropped blogging about as fast as I picked it up.
This is meant to be a testimony, kind of a follow up to my last blog, although most of that blog will be incorporated in this.
Some subjects of the old one are touched up on in more detail so don't be alarmed.
Feel free to check it out though, http://tellmeima.blogspot.com/
As I Rise
I was brought into this world on January 5 1993 in Kaufman, Texas.
I grew up in the same house in Wills Point, Texas for 18 years.
My mother, Bennie McBride has been a teacher of art for my whole life.
My father, Shane McBride has been a coach & teacher for the majority of my life.
I attended school in Edgewood, Texas until 7th grade, I then moved to Fruitvale, Texas and stayed for barely a year.
My next stop was Wylie, Texas where I finished my freshman year of high school.
After that I finally settled down in Grand Saline, Texas.
Remember, stayed in the same house throughout all of this school jumping.
Most of me wants to say that my childhood was fairly unexciting, but that would make me a liar.
I was an active kid, I bounced off the walls and talked a lot about random things.
I did pretty well in school for a while, but around 4th grade I kind of stepped into the unofficial role of "Class Clown", the first year that I remember getting put into something called "In School Suspension", basically you have to go through all the hassle of waking up in the morning and still going to school, but you don't get to attend class with the rest of the kids, you get put into a room with one teacher, and if you're lucky another couple of kids and you are forced to do the homework for your classes, ALL DAY LONG.
Now you may be saying that this seems a bit extreme for anything a 4th grader could do, but apparently yelling 'bastard' at the top of your lungs at recess does that for you.
So those are my first cuss word and my first time in "real" school trouble.
In 5th grade I obtained a crushing fear of the dark after watching a scary movie, Ghost Ship.
Go check it out, its a pretty B-Class movie, but it has the ability to be entertaining.
Throughout most of my elementary and middle school years I was part of a group in school called GT aka Gifted and Talented, it was group of kids considered to be the most creative of their classes.
We did quite a bit of cool stuff, field trips and things like that.
We had one field trip to NASA and another to New Mexico.
We whitewater rafted and got to "co-pilot" small planes.
It was an interesting organization for someone so young.
In 8th grade I joined FFA.
That's Future Farmers of America for those of you that don't know.
I had experience with animals, what with growing up on a farm and what not, ended up not doing anything.
Love Like This
Any guy can tell you that being 14 is rough.
I was all over the place, I was happy, I was mad, I was sad, I was happy again and out of no where mad again too.
Aren't hormones the best?
Whenever I was 14 I fell for a girl for the first time.
Her name was Brenda, she had beautiful black hair, brown almond eyes and the prettiest brown skin this kid had ever seen.
Brenda and I had the closest thing to a real relationship that two 14 year olds can have.
My first kiss was the on the last day before Christmas break, a few weeks before my 15th birthday.
The old miss and hit never seems to fail.
Sadly, I moved schools before my Freshman year was up.
I left the school and the girl.
I was 16 whenever I saw her again at a basketball game.
She was just as beautiful as I had remembered, more even.
We talked a bit and went our separate ways.
After awhile we ran into each again and more and more after that.
I remember the phone call I got from her, asking me to come to Grand Saline to watch a basketball game.
I convinced my parents to let me drive there so that I could see her.
We had the best time, throwing leaves and laughing, swinging and singing.
Before we left that night I knew that I was in love with her, I knew that this was it. I looked at her, smiling, her hand in mine as we walked through the parking lot.
The kiss I got that night was so much better than that first one.
It caught me by surprise, she just jumped up and did it, real quick.
I asked her out and she said yes.
Our relationship wasn't the best.
But it sure as shit wasn't the worst.
I bought her flowers for holidays, I surprised her at school, I would sneak through her window at night and lay with her, hold her.
I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me.
I was 18 whenever I got my heart broken for the first time.
I had a ring in my pocket, it wasn't expensive, just a summer's worth of paychecks.
I never got to ask her anything other than "Why?"
I can still see her taillights as she left me on my knees.
The emotions that come with heartbreak are so strong, a pulling feeling, a longing.
I always thought it felt like falling.
The Death of Me
My junior year of high school I was accepted by Tyler Junior College to take the EMT Basic program.
To become an Emergency Medical Technician I had to accumulate over 90 hours of clinical work in the hospital and on an ambulance.
I had learn medical terminology and anatomy.
I had to learn what all sorts of medical equipment did, exactly. Everything had to be perfect.
My first night doing of hospital clinicals, I experienced my first stroke patient.
I was panicky and nervous, thankfully I was told to stand back and watch and take notes.
An hour into the night they had to do a Lumbar Puncture, during this process they had to insert an unnaturally long needle into the patients back. If I remember correctly the needle was at least longer than 9".
I got sweaty and light headed, I had to step into a bathroom and splash cold water on my face.
A few shifts into my clinicals I had my life threatened by a cracked out woman.
I had a teenage girl come in that had cuts all over her wrists and arms.
I unrolled her wraps and couldn't believe that anyone could experience so much pain, hurt so much that they had to cut themselves.
She had a deep cut on each wrist.
I've seen people lose their fight and finally let go.
I've done CPR on people for so long my muscles ached.
Towards the end of my clinicals, there was a car wreck.
Four patients came in.
One of these patients was a 6 year old boy.
He was in the backseat of a car that got T-boned.
This kid was in terrible shape.
He was barely alive by the time he arrived at the hospital.
Even more gone by the time I got to him.
I took over doing CPR.
It was no use, I couldn't do anything to help him.
One of the things they told me at the hospital was not to show emotion, not to let it get a hold of you.
I think that because of this I'm so unaffected by the things around me.
I look back and think, how can somebody just brush off something like death.
I passed my EMT Entrance Exam after I turned 18 and have still never used it.
The Boys of Summer
I've been blessed enough to work with children since I was 16.
I've worked at Tom Hale Scout Reservation in Talihina, Oklahoma for 5 summers.
Camp Hale is a Boy Scout summer camp, the 3rd largest in the nation.
The first time I applied, I had been a camper the week before and really wanted to work, so I went to the camp director and asked him if I could have a job.
I had hair down to my jawline and a tan that would make celebrities jealous.
He told me that if I could be there at noon the next day with my hair cut I could have a job.
So I showed up at 10 a.m. sporting a buzz cut.
I worked in the kitchen for a few weeks before finally being moved to an area called Scout Craft, where I taught the Leatherwork & Basketry merit badges.
My second year at camp I was teaching the Communications merit badge.
Communications is an eagle required badge, which means it is super important.
Eagle is the final official rank in Boy Scouts, it means you've reached the upper echelon of being a young man.
I got to spend a summer teaching teenagers the importance of writing and speaking properly, which is not the easiest.
My third year I taught the Fishing & Fly-Fishing merit badges.
I'll say it now, kids can ruin just about anything. Even fishing.
After a few weeks of that I switched over to the Rowing merit badge.
I had a handful of kids each class and we always had a great time.
My fourth year I taught the Motor boating merit badge.
It sounds like this should have been the most legit and super awesome merit badge at camp, but since there weren't very good boats, I had a hard time.
Boats would always break down in the middle of the lake and I'd have to swim them in, no easy task either.
One of the best parts of summer camp are the people you meet.
I met my best friend at summer camp.
His name is Zach Duck, he is the best person I know.
Zach's first year at camp was my second and he did not like me at all and I did not like him.
It was basically a relationship built on hate.
The next year the both of us worked at the Lake together, he taught Small Boat Sailing and I was with Rowing.
I would sometimes help him with his class, being his assistant and keeping the kids calm while he was busy.
We bonded pretty quickly on the first day of staff week.
He told me "Shut the fuck up" while I was trying to tell him a story and he pointed.
One of the douchest staffers was blindfolded and was winning some race, but he was headed straight for a table.
Neither of us said anything and he ran right into it.
That was the moment I knew that I could be friends with this guy.
Zach and I were cabin mates with three of my other best friends.
Wes Mitchell, the original black friend in the group.
Brian Kelton aka Coach Chuck Ladawski, the second black friend.
Joseph Easley, the chillest white dude I've ever met.
We bonded pretty quickly and claimed what land we could.
We called ourselves C4, mostly because we lived in Cabin 4, but also because when put together we were super explosive.
All My Friends
Sit back, this is a good one.
Whenever I was 19 I was arrested.
I only had two months before I finally turned 20, I had an unofficial job filming football games for my old high school.
We were in Lone Oak, Texas for one of the last games of the season.
We got blown out, bad.
I came home late, around 1 a.m.
Nobody was awake, I drug myself into my room and passed out.
I get woke up at 7 a.m. to the sound of banging on my door.
I opened the door and was shoved back into my house, slammed into the wall.
A 40 something guy had his forearm to my chest, pinning me back.
He kept yelling in my face, asking where his daughter was.
He didn't listen to my attempts to tell him I had no idea what he was talking about.
My roommate had a girl over.
She was 16...he was 19.
Her father was there to beat my roommate's ass and take his daughter home.
Now my roommate was never the person to make the smartest decisions.
He was well known for thinking with his second head.
That's why he had 2 kids by the time he was 18.
He was a privileged adopted kid.
He had no responsibility and had no respect for anyone.
The fun part of this story is when the police showed up and handcuffed us.
My roommate had had a party while I was off at work.
Every single person at the party was underage.
I was facing charges of Minor in Possession, Minor in Consumption and Soliciting Alcohol to Minors.
I showed viable proof that I wasn't home for the party and managed to squeak out of the Solicitation and Consumption charges, but was still taken in for Possession since there was alcohol actually still in the fridge in my house.
I was forced to sit in a jail cell for close to 5 hours.
I could hear the officers questioning other people and letting them leave.
Finally it was my turn.
I got questioned, told them all that I knew and was sent on my happy little way.
A month later a judge sentenced me to a year of probation and forced me to take a drug and alcohol awareness class while attending a minimum of 3 AA classes.
I still hadn't given up on my roommate.
I had faith that he could change.
So I managed to convince him to move to Wylie, Texas with me and enroll in school.
We got an apartment up there and started school in January.
Everything was great for the first couple of months.
We both attended classes and did pretty well.
Out of nowhere though he decided he wanted to break lease and move back home.
So he left me with a small paying fast food job while taking 12 hours in school.
I had $1200 of rent to come up with each month that I couldn't do while in school.
He left and I had to drop my dream of actually finishing a semester of real school.
I got screwed over pretty well by this guy that I had known my whole life, literally.
Born in the same hospital, two days apart.
I am his kid's Godfather.
He was my best friend.
I guess it does really take a good kick in the ass to find out who your real friends are.
Heartbeat
The summer of 2012 I met a girl at the camp.
She came halfway through the summer and ended up teaching Leatherwork & Basketry merit badges.
I can honestly say that I had no real interest in getting to know her at first.
But over the next couple of weeks we talked a lot.
We would stay up late, talking and laughing.
We would write stories to each other.
Whenever she first hugged me, it was so genuine and real.
It felt right and warm.
The second time was better.
We both sunk into it, held it for a little bit before finally saying "goodnight"
I wasn't expecting to come out of summer camp head over heels for someone.
But that's exactly what happened.
I knew from the beginning that nothing was going to come of this.
I was a mouthy heathen and she was an angel.
After summer camp I started hanging out with her more and going to church with her family.
At the start I had no interest in following God or even trying to pretend like I cared.
You can only hold back for so long though and finally something got through to me.
Something called out to me and I started taking it more seriously.
We'll get into God later though.
A lot of what I dealt with during this time was trying to convince her family that I was a reasonable adult and that I was worthy enough to be around their daughter.
All they saw was a misfit who was faking his way through things.
For the most part they were right.
I was a misfit.
I kissed her on the forehead one sunny day in the parking lot of my apartment.
I though I would never hear the end of it.
It was such a big deal for her, I thought I had way overstepped.
I quickly fell in love with her, the way she did the things, the way she walked and how she talked.
She was such a big nerd and when I was around her I couldn't help but let my inner nerd out.
I couldn't help but be in a good mood around her.
I loved her hair and her smell.
I loved the way she looked at me and said my name.
I loved the way she held my hand.
I loved the way she hugged and kissed me.
I loved her.
Like I said, nothing could come of this.
I left for summer camp the next year and she stayed home.
I moved to Stillwater, Oklahoma after camp and she stayed home.
Long Way From Home
Summer 2011 I first moved to Stillwater, Oklahoma.
Stupid 18 year old me was thinking with the wrong head, as my dad told me.
I came to Oklahoma for a girl.
It wasn't the smartest decision of my life, but so far it also hasn't been the worst.
I got a job working at the YMCA as a lifeguard and a youth sports associate.
It was a pretty phenomenal gig.
I wasn't used to being away from everybody I knew, my family and my friends were all 300 miles away in Texas.
I became antisocial and awkward.
I grew frustrated easily and developed anger problems.
I got into a habit of smoking and drinking.
November 2011 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I was miles away and couldn't get home and see my mother, couldn't hug her and hear her tell me it would all be okay.
I never got along with my mother, after I turned 16 it was mostly just a big haze of yelling at each other and me swearing at her.
I was a pitiful excuse for a son.
She deserved better, thankfully she had 3 other children to fill that space.
After being so far away from her and my family, I learned what she meant to me.
I figured out that I loved her.
She is strong and smart and the best woman I know.
She successfully beat breast cancer after about a year of chemo and medical bills.
I left Stillwater in April 2012 and moved back home before I left for summer camp.
Forever Starts Now
I was raised a Methodist.
I enjoyed church as a kid, I bought into it.
I told the church that I would follow God and I was baptized.
Growing up I slowly rolled away from God and church.
I attended youth nights as a teenager, but that was about the extent of my interest.
At age 17 I completely denied Jesus Christ and God.
I wanted nothing to do with them.
I blamed my experience during clinicals, whenever it was really just my own short comings that pushed me away.
I walked a dark path.
I was lost.
I met two families, The Adkins & The Dobsons, that took a chance on me.
They didn't go out of their way to tell me that I was wrong.
They all just told me that when I was ready they would be there for me.
I attended church with the Adkins family for quite some time before I really got interested in what I was hearing.
I finally came to them and asked them about sermons and passages.
They got me a bible and helped me learn to study it and understand it.
I started attending bible studies.
I finally got the hand of reading and understand and knowing what was being asked of me.
On February 20, 2013 I was baptized.
It was the most calming and relaxing day of my life.
I felt as if a everything had finally been taken off me.
Life had become more simple and direct.
I knew from that moment on that I was meant for greater things.
Oh, What A Life
In August 2013 I moved back to Stillwater.
I rented a house with my best friends, Zach & Wes.
I've learned a lot about myself in the past year.
I've figured out who I really am, what makes me tick, my passions, my weaknesses.
I've stepped forward and taken responsibility for my future.
My life may not always be happy, it isn't easy.
It's the hardest thing I've done.
But I know that somewhere, somebody needs me.
There is something out there for me.
And I will do everything in my power to achieve my goals and my dreams.
Thank You to everybody in my life, everybody who helped me to this point.
I want to especially thank the people who have stood behind me through everything.
Thank You;
Mom
Dad
Mama Shirley
Big Daddy (I love & miss you)
Clinton
Billy Ann
My beautiful niece Miranda
My crazy nephews Preston & Matthew
The Adkins Family
The Dobson Family
Amanda Crone
Carla Biondillo
Zach Duck
Wes Mitchell
Brian Kelton
Joseph Easley
Susan Duck
Matt Nance
Roger Findahl
Sara Gile
Miranda Luster
"It's a new day, I wanna go far..."
- American Authors
I blogged about what made me me.
I dropped blogging about as fast as I picked it up.
This is meant to be a testimony, kind of a follow up to my last blog, although most of that blog will be incorporated in this.
Some subjects of the old one are touched up on in more detail so don't be alarmed.
Feel free to check it out though, http://tellmeima.blogspot.com/
As I Rise
I was brought into this world on January 5 1993 in Kaufman, Texas.
I grew up in the same house in Wills Point, Texas for 18 years.
My mother, Bennie McBride has been a teacher of art for my whole life.
My father, Shane McBride has been a coach & teacher for the majority of my life.
I attended school in Edgewood, Texas until 7th grade, I then moved to Fruitvale, Texas and stayed for barely a year.
My next stop was Wylie, Texas where I finished my freshman year of high school.
After that I finally settled down in Grand Saline, Texas.
Remember, stayed in the same house throughout all of this school jumping.
Most of me wants to say that my childhood was fairly unexciting, but that would make me a liar.
I was an active kid, I bounced off the walls and talked a lot about random things.
I did pretty well in school for a while, but around 4th grade I kind of stepped into the unofficial role of "Class Clown", the first year that I remember getting put into something called "In School Suspension", basically you have to go through all the hassle of waking up in the morning and still going to school, but you don't get to attend class with the rest of the kids, you get put into a room with one teacher, and if you're lucky another couple of kids and you are forced to do the homework for your classes, ALL DAY LONG.
Now you may be saying that this seems a bit extreme for anything a 4th grader could do, but apparently yelling 'bastard' at the top of your lungs at recess does that for you.
So those are my first cuss word and my first time in "real" school trouble.
In 5th grade I obtained a crushing fear of the dark after watching a scary movie, Ghost Ship.
Go check it out, its a pretty B-Class movie, but it has the ability to be entertaining.
Throughout most of my elementary and middle school years I was part of a group in school called GT aka Gifted and Talented, it was group of kids considered to be the most creative of their classes.
We did quite a bit of cool stuff, field trips and things like that.
We had one field trip to NASA and another to New Mexico.
We whitewater rafted and got to "co-pilot" small planes.
It was an interesting organization for someone so young.
In 8th grade I joined FFA.
That's Future Farmers of America for those of you that don't know.
I had experience with animals, what with growing up on a farm and what not, ended up not doing anything.
Love Like This
Any guy can tell you that being 14 is rough.
I was all over the place, I was happy, I was mad, I was sad, I was happy again and out of no where mad again too.
Aren't hormones the best?
Whenever I was 14 I fell for a girl for the first time.
Her name was Brenda, she had beautiful black hair, brown almond eyes and the prettiest brown skin this kid had ever seen.
Brenda and I had the closest thing to a real relationship that two 14 year olds can have.
My first kiss was the on the last day before Christmas break, a few weeks before my 15th birthday.
The old miss and hit never seems to fail.
Sadly, I moved schools before my Freshman year was up.
I left the school and the girl.
I was 16 whenever I saw her again at a basketball game.
She was just as beautiful as I had remembered, more even.
We talked a bit and went our separate ways.
After awhile we ran into each again and more and more after that.
I remember the phone call I got from her, asking me to come to Grand Saline to watch a basketball game.
I convinced my parents to let me drive there so that I could see her.
We had the best time, throwing leaves and laughing, swinging and singing.
Before we left that night I knew that I was in love with her, I knew that this was it. I looked at her, smiling, her hand in mine as we walked through the parking lot.
The kiss I got that night was so much better than that first one.
It caught me by surprise, she just jumped up and did it, real quick.
I asked her out and she said yes.
Our relationship wasn't the best.
But it sure as shit wasn't the worst.
I bought her flowers for holidays, I surprised her at school, I would sneak through her window at night and lay with her, hold her.
I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me.
I was 18 whenever I got my heart broken for the first time.
I had a ring in my pocket, it wasn't expensive, just a summer's worth of paychecks.
I never got to ask her anything other than "Why?"
I can still see her taillights as she left me on my knees.
The emotions that come with heartbreak are so strong, a pulling feeling, a longing.
I always thought it felt like falling.
The Death of Me
My junior year of high school I was accepted by Tyler Junior College to take the EMT Basic program.
To become an Emergency Medical Technician I had to accumulate over 90 hours of clinical work in the hospital and on an ambulance.
I had learn medical terminology and anatomy.
I had to learn what all sorts of medical equipment did, exactly. Everything had to be perfect.
My first night doing of hospital clinicals, I experienced my first stroke patient.
I was panicky and nervous, thankfully I was told to stand back and watch and take notes.
An hour into the night they had to do a Lumbar Puncture, during this process they had to insert an unnaturally long needle into the patients back. If I remember correctly the needle was at least longer than 9".
I got sweaty and light headed, I had to step into a bathroom and splash cold water on my face.
A few shifts into my clinicals I had my life threatened by a cracked out woman.
I had a teenage girl come in that had cuts all over her wrists and arms.
I unrolled her wraps and couldn't believe that anyone could experience so much pain, hurt so much that they had to cut themselves.
She had a deep cut on each wrist.
I've seen people lose their fight and finally let go.
I've done CPR on people for so long my muscles ached.
Towards the end of my clinicals, there was a car wreck.
Four patients came in.
One of these patients was a 6 year old boy.
He was in the backseat of a car that got T-boned.
This kid was in terrible shape.
He was barely alive by the time he arrived at the hospital.
Even more gone by the time I got to him.
I took over doing CPR.
It was no use, I couldn't do anything to help him.
One of the things they told me at the hospital was not to show emotion, not to let it get a hold of you.
I think that because of this I'm so unaffected by the things around me.
I look back and think, how can somebody just brush off something like death.
I passed my EMT Entrance Exam after I turned 18 and have still never used it.
The Boys of Summer
I've been blessed enough to work with children since I was 16.
I've worked at Tom Hale Scout Reservation in Talihina, Oklahoma for 5 summers.
Camp Hale is a Boy Scout summer camp, the 3rd largest in the nation.
The first time I applied, I had been a camper the week before and really wanted to work, so I went to the camp director and asked him if I could have a job.
I had hair down to my jawline and a tan that would make celebrities jealous.
He told me that if I could be there at noon the next day with my hair cut I could have a job.
So I showed up at 10 a.m. sporting a buzz cut.
I worked in the kitchen for a few weeks before finally being moved to an area called Scout Craft, where I taught the Leatherwork & Basketry merit badges.
My second year at camp I was teaching the Communications merit badge.
Communications is an eagle required badge, which means it is super important.
Eagle is the final official rank in Boy Scouts, it means you've reached the upper echelon of being a young man.
I got to spend a summer teaching teenagers the importance of writing and speaking properly, which is not the easiest.
My third year I taught the Fishing & Fly-Fishing merit badges.
I'll say it now, kids can ruin just about anything. Even fishing.
After a few weeks of that I switched over to the Rowing merit badge.
I had a handful of kids each class and we always had a great time.
My fourth year I taught the Motor boating merit badge.
It sounds like this should have been the most legit and super awesome merit badge at camp, but since there weren't very good boats, I had a hard time.
Boats would always break down in the middle of the lake and I'd have to swim them in, no easy task either.
One of the best parts of summer camp are the people you meet.
I met my best friend at summer camp.
His name is Zach Duck, he is the best person I know.
Zach's first year at camp was my second and he did not like me at all and I did not like him.
It was basically a relationship built on hate.
The next year the both of us worked at the Lake together, he taught Small Boat Sailing and I was with Rowing.
I would sometimes help him with his class, being his assistant and keeping the kids calm while he was busy.
We bonded pretty quickly on the first day of staff week.
He told me "Shut the fuck up" while I was trying to tell him a story and he pointed.
One of the douchest staffers was blindfolded and was winning some race, but he was headed straight for a table.
Neither of us said anything and he ran right into it.
That was the moment I knew that I could be friends with this guy.
Zach and I were cabin mates with three of my other best friends.
Wes Mitchell, the original black friend in the group.
Brian Kelton aka Coach Chuck Ladawski, the second black friend.
Joseph Easley, the chillest white dude I've ever met.
We bonded pretty quickly and claimed what land we could.
We called ourselves C4, mostly because we lived in Cabin 4, but also because when put together we were super explosive.
All My Friends
Sit back, this is a good one.
Whenever I was 19 I was arrested.
I only had two months before I finally turned 20, I had an unofficial job filming football games for my old high school.
We were in Lone Oak, Texas for one of the last games of the season.
We got blown out, bad.
I came home late, around 1 a.m.
Nobody was awake, I drug myself into my room and passed out.
I get woke up at 7 a.m. to the sound of banging on my door.
I opened the door and was shoved back into my house, slammed into the wall.
A 40 something guy had his forearm to my chest, pinning me back.
He kept yelling in my face, asking where his daughter was.
He didn't listen to my attempts to tell him I had no idea what he was talking about.
My roommate had a girl over.
She was 16...he was 19.
Her father was there to beat my roommate's ass and take his daughter home.
Now my roommate was never the person to make the smartest decisions.
He was well known for thinking with his second head.
That's why he had 2 kids by the time he was 18.
He was a privileged adopted kid.
He had no responsibility and had no respect for anyone.
The fun part of this story is when the police showed up and handcuffed us.
My roommate had had a party while I was off at work.
Every single person at the party was underage.
I was facing charges of Minor in Possession, Minor in Consumption and Soliciting Alcohol to Minors.
I showed viable proof that I wasn't home for the party and managed to squeak out of the Solicitation and Consumption charges, but was still taken in for Possession since there was alcohol actually still in the fridge in my house.
I was forced to sit in a jail cell for close to 5 hours.
I could hear the officers questioning other people and letting them leave.
Finally it was my turn.
I got questioned, told them all that I knew and was sent on my happy little way.
A month later a judge sentenced me to a year of probation and forced me to take a drug and alcohol awareness class while attending a minimum of 3 AA classes.
I still hadn't given up on my roommate.
I had faith that he could change.
So I managed to convince him to move to Wylie, Texas with me and enroll in school.
We got an apartment up there and started school in January.
Everything was great for the first couple of months.
We both attended classes and did pretty well.
Out of nowhere though he decided he wanted to break lease and move back home.
So he left me with a small paying fast food job while taking 12 hours in school.
I had $1200 of rent to come up with each month that I couldn't do while in school.
He left and I had to drop my dream of actually finishing a semester of real school.
I got screwed over pretty well by this guy that I had known my whole life, literally.
Born in the same hospital, two days apart.
I am his kid's Godfather.
He was my best friend.
I guess it does really take a good kick in the ass to find out who your real friends are.
Heartbeat
The summer of 2012 I met a girl at the camp.
She came halfway through the summer and ended up teaching Leatherwork & Basketry merit badges.
I can honestly say that I had no real interest in getting to know her at first.
But over the next couple of weeks we talked a lot.
We would stay up late, talking and laughing.
We would write stories to each other.
Whenever she first hugged me, it was so genuine and real.
It felt right and warm.
The second time was better.
We both sunk into it, held it for a little bit before finally saying "goodnight"
I wasn't expecting to come out of summer camp head over heels for someone.
But that's exactly what happened.
I knew from the beginning that nothing was going to come of this.
I was a mouthy heathen and she was an angel.
After summer camp I started hanging out with her more and going to church with her family.
At the start I had no interest in following God or even trying to pretend like I cared.
You can only hold back for so long though and finally something got through to me.
Something called out to me and I started taking it more seriously.
We'll get into God later though.
A lot of what I dealt with during this time was trying to convince her family that I was a reasonable adult and that I was worthy enough to be around their daughter.
All they saw was a misfit who was faking his way through things.
For the most part they were right.
I was a misfit.
I kissed her on the forehead one sunny day in the parking lot of my apartment.
I though I would never hear the end of it.
It was such a big deal for her, I thought I had way overstepped.
I quickly fell in love with her, the way she did the things, the way she walked and how she talked.
She was such a big nerd and when I was around her I couldn't help but let my inner nerd out.
I couldn't help but be in a good mood around her.
I loved her hair and her smell.
I loved the way she looked at me and said my name.
I loved the way she held my hand.
I loved the way she hugged and kissed me.
I loved her.
Like I said, nothing could come of this.
I left for summer camp the next year and she stayed home.
I moved to Stillwater, Oklahoma after camp and she stayed home.
Long Way From Home
Summer 2011 I first moved to Stillwater, Oklahoma.
Stupid 18 year old me was thinking with the wrong head, as my dad told me.
I came to Oklahoma for a girl.
It wasn't the smartest decision of my life, but so far it also hasn't been the worst.
I got a job working at the YMCA as a lifeguard and a youth sports associate.
It was a pretty phenomenal gig.
I wasn't used to being away from everybody I knew, my family and my friends were all 300 miles away in Texas.
I became antisocial and awkward.
I grew frustrated easily and developed anger problems.
I got into a habit of smoking and drinking.
November 2011 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I was miles away and couldn't get home and see my mother, couldn't hug her and hear her tell me it would all be okay.
I never got along with my mother, after I turned 16 it was mostly just a big haze of yelling at each other and me swearing at her.
I was a pitiful excuse for a son.
She deserved better, thankfully she had 3 other children to fill that space.
After being so far away from her and my family, I learned what she meant to me.
I figured out that I loved her.
She is strong and smart and the best woman I know.
She successfully beat breast cancer after about a year of chemo and medical bills.
I left Stillwater in April 2012 and moved back home before I left for summer camp.
Forever Starts Now
I was raised a Methodist.
I enjoyed church as a kid, I bought into it.
I told the church that I would follow God and I was baptized.
Growing up I slowly rolled away from God and church.
I attended youth nights as a teenager, but that was about the extent of my interest.
At age 17 I completely denied Jesus Christ and God.
I wanted nothing to do with them.
I blamed my experience during clinicals, whenever it was really just my own short comings that pushed me away.
I walked a dark path.
I was lost.
I met two families, The Adkins & The Dobsons, that took a chance on me.
They didn't go out of their way to tell me that I was wrong.
They all just told me that when I was ready they would be there for me.
I attended church with the Adkins family for quite some time before I really got interested in what I was hearing.
I finally came to them and asked them about sermons and passages.
They got me a bible and helped me learn to study it and understand it.
I started attending bible studies.
I finally got the hand of reading and understand and knowing what was being asked of me.
On February 20, 2013 I was baptized.
It was the most calming and relaxing day of my life.
I felt as if a everything had finally been taken off me.
Life had become more simple and direct.
I knew from that moment on that I was meant for greater things.
Oh, What A Life
In August 2013 I moved back to Stillwater.
I rented a house with my best friends, Zach & Wes.
I've learned a lot about myself in the past year.
I've figured out who I really am, what makes me tick, my passions, my weaknesses.
I've stepped forward and taken responsibility for my future.
My life may not always be happy, it isn't easy.
It's the hardest thing I've done.
But I know that somewhere, somebody needs me.
There is something out there for me.
And I will do everything in my power to achieve my goals and my dreams.
Thank You to everybody in my life, everybody who helped me to this point.
I want to especially thank the people who have stood behind me through everything.
Thank You;
Mom
Dad
Mama Shirley
Big Daddy (I love & miss you)
Clinton
Billy Ann
My beautiful niece Miranda
My crazy nephews Preston & Matthew
The Adkins Family
The Dobson Family
Amanda Crone
Carla Biondillo
Zach Duck
Wes Mitchell
Brian Kelton
Joseph Easley
Susan Duck
Matt Nance
Roger Findahl
Sara Gile
Miranda Luster
"It's a new day, I wanna go far..."
- American Authors
